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Saturday, 17 December 2011

CREEPOZOIDS (1987)


It's a blatant rip-off of ALIENS, with added stolen bits of THE THING and a bunch of other high-end sci-fi/horror crossover movies, but Creepozoids captured my attention as a teenager thanks to two factors. First, the cover art for it was brilliant, and second, it had Linnea Quigley in it. The film follows a bunch of army deserters who take shelter in an abandoned lab while acid rain pelts the land outside after an apocalyptic nuclear war has taken place in the near future.

Of course, this being the sort of film that it is, the lab was home to a genetically-engineered monster, which lives on deep within the lab. The deserters, when not bickering amongst themselves, having sex in the shower or being macho, discover they need to band together to overcome the threat of the monster and also the secret threat which is lurking within one of their number.

It's cheap, tacky, a complete rip-off and rather wonderful. Creepozoids was one of the earliest films of my development as a genre addict, it being one of my first 18-rated VHS tapes back when I was far too young to be buying videos with that certificate.


What can I say? I knew where to go to find people with very shaky morals who would sell horror movies to kids. I turned out okay – honestly! Sadly, I can't say the same for kids who are seeing today's horror output. I guess they just don't make 'em like they used to.

Anyway. Creepozoids introduced me to many things that would play a big part in my further development as a fan of low budget cinema. The first and foremost of those things is of course Linnea Quigley, who I had a crush on in my early teens due to this film and whatever else I could find her in (of which there was plenty).


It also introduced me to the concept of forcing big ideas into tiny budgets and how suspend disbelief even further (the 'secure' lab looks about as secure and sturdy as a limp banana skin). Ladies and gentlemen, Creepozoids is one of the worst, and best, films I have ever seen. It reeks of cheese from the script, the acting, the effects and the score.

Thankfully there's enough swearing, violence and nudity to keep the teenager in all of us sated. Once the Creepozoids are revealed, there may be a bit of a sense of underwhelming disappointment unless you expect rubber, vaseline and, erm, just one of them. It's a far cry from the giant scale of the Ridley Scott and James Cameron epics the makers stole so many ideas from (right down to the John Hurt chest-burster scene from 'Alien' homage), but in it's own way, Creepozoids is awesome. Trash, yes, but awesome trash. B-movie gold.


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