Monday, 21 November 2011


Y'know, I'm not actually all that sure what I just watched. I know it was as movie, but I'll be damned if I can tell you much more than that. I'll try. 300 years ago a witch was executed for being all evil and stuff. In the present day, she is resurrected as a punky clone of Madonna (and blatantly so, although here and now she looks more like Lady GaGa than Madonna), who sets about taking revenge on people associated with, wait, I've lost it. No, there must be a plot somewhere.

You see, there's a moment in this film that is so odd that it blots out the rest of the film entirely. Actually, maybe the rest of the film (which only clocks in at 75 minutes in total) is just so tedious that the one truly insane scene in the flick just cancels the rest out. The scene in question? It's the scene where the villainess unveils her six boobs and suckles three hooded zombies with gooey ectoplasm from her prosthetic nipples. No, seriously.

It's the only reason this film has any notoriety, as the rest of it is a plodding mess. Basically the evil punkette goes from lowlife to lowlife, encompassing drunks, hookers and more, and psychically forces them to kill themselves and other people.

Oh, wait! Now I remember. The basic crux of the plot is Miss Eva, the witch, attempting to resurrect her cult members from way back when by sucking the life force out of her victims, which then manifests as the goo from her prosthetic boobs. A counsellor, a doctor and a cop are soon on her trail, with every predictable moment of skepticism in there that you can imagine (mmm, padding) before the inevitable revelation that the camp counsellor really was onto something and the witch is killing folks.

There are some hilariously bad moments throughout it, but one of my favourite has to be the moment the counsellor is shot in the arm when the witch takes a character over and forces her to turn the weapon on her colleague.

The resulting squib in his arm goes off wrong, and hangs out of the fake blood of the fake wound for all the world to see. The actor actually pauses a moment, as if to go 'Oh shit!' before screaming in apparent pain. The camera holds on this slightly too long, making it plainly obvious we are watching a botched effect.

That sums the film up, really. A botch job that we see for far too long. The problem is, I actually found its complete ineptitude as a film quite endearing. Something I do find quite endearing is the fact that so much of the score is stolen from other films from C-movie legend Charles Band and his ilk, utilising music from films like Trancers, Puppet Master and more throughout the movie. It's absolute 80s, shot-on-video trash of the lowest order, but it's also passable viewing material if you can't be arsed to pay too much attention between the nasty bits. And by nasty bits I don't mean her terrifying, ectoplasm-leaking six boobs.

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