Saturday, 8 October 2011


In no uncertain terms, this film is absolute crap, but it's absolute crap that managed to entertain me for ninety minutes with utter nonsense of the 1980s shot-on-video variety. If I wasn't shot on video then it certainly looks like it was, anyway. A trashy rock band heads to a trashy small town where they are to play a trashy concert for an A+R guy.

Beyond that plotline, there's a creepy dude and a pair of dwarves (one clad in a remarkably unconvincing rubber mask) along with a young lady who are slaughtering people for their own ends lurking around and being comically sinister. The band fall foul of local do-gooders (and the aforementioned creepy types) and find themselves dead and buried.

 However, a local girl who has befriended the band manages to resurrect them by means of a chant (I don't know either, folks) and the band make a comeback (sorry) as zombies. Well, I say zombies, but what I really mean is 'guys with a bit more makeup on than before'. They also have the most comical zombie walk ever.

Then there comes the part with Hitler turning up in modern-day small-town America and trying to kickstart the fourth reich by building an army of zombies. Uh. Yeah. Cue a guy done up (quite convincingly) as Hitler, yelling at nobody in particular about how he's going to take over the world with the undead. Classy.

Hard Rock Zombies is ultra cheap, relentlessly awful in every respect and rather delightful because of it. Most people that pick it up now are going to fling it in the bin after about ten minutes unless they know what they're getting. The band's music is a point to talk about, actually. It's as cheesy as it gets, but there's a joyously anarchic feel to their dubbed tunes that perfectly sums up the era and the tongue-in-cheek nature of the flick.

For some reason my local HMV had a big display of this title out recently. I'm guessing someone over-ordered and was being punished with sticks while the shop tried to shift them. Sadly, I only wanted one copy and thus I think the whole audience for it around here has now been used up. Hard Rock Zombies (which should really be called 'Light Metal Grey Guys') is awful, and thus, right up my street.

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