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Monday, 17 October 2011

Elves (1989)

I'm really glad I didn't pay much for this film. It's not that I thought it was a waste of 50p – not at all – it's just that paying small change for it seemed most appropriate considering the apparent budget of this notorious-in-VHS-collecting-circles film.

The guy that was Grizzly Adams (I'm not kidding) is a failed cop working as a department store Santa. One night he stumbles across a bunch of girls having a late-night party in the store, who are (of course) being stalked by a bunch of murderous rubber elves who were once the basis for an evil plot of the Third Reich (wait, skip back to the HARD ROCK ZOMBIES review recently- the nazis certainly seemed to be a popular explanation for stuff in z-grade 80s horror...), and who can only be stopped with the help of a former member of the Gestapo.

Erm, right.

Elves is every bit as stupid as that description makes it sound. It's also bloody, but every time the Elves are onscreen you can't help but cringe due to the woeful effects job on them. It's an effects job that didn't even stretch to giving them working jaws, so every time they appear to be trying to eat someone, they look like shiny muppets nibbling as a cake, rather than demonic beings with razor sharp fangs.

The thing is, Elves is so bad it's almost amazing. I couldn't look away throughout it, and wanted to cheer every time Grizzly Adams attempts to deliver his lines. The acting, script and production are all real bargain-basement stuff.

The cinematography is shoddy, the music is cheap, and everything is tacky enough for a real kitsch factor to kick in. For all of its faults, I really liked this film and would recommend it to anyone who doesn't mind spending 90 minutes with their tongue planted hard in their cheek.

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